Life With the Warners: Part One

Well after the Cohen girls gave such wonderful insights into their lives last time, I thought we would continue having the now-grown children narrate their own stories. So, with that in mind, please welcome to the blog Michelle, Christopher, and Jenna Warner.
Christopher: What's up?
Michelle: Hello.
Jenna: Holla!
Why must you do that?

Well it looks like you guys have a lot of pictures to look at, so I'll just be making my graceful exit now...good luck guys! (I hope they don't fight as much as the Cohens did...)

Well, now what do we do?

Grab a picture.

Yeah, so...these are our parents.

Great job explaining, Chris...

I wasn't done yet. Dad's name is Malcom Warner, and Mom's is Vanessa Rose Tiggular.

Do these people even know who they are?

If they've been reading the story in order, they should.

Ok, just checking.

Wow, that was fast. Are you sure these are in the right order?

Yeah, they didn't wait very long after getting married to start the family.
Hey, mysterious voice?

Yes?

Is there a reason that you feel the need to have us document each other's misery?

Because births are important occasions and I feel it's important to record them.

Michelle, stop bothering the mysterious voice.
Yeah, look, there's the first picture of you!
I forgot how cute my room was when I was little.

Why didn't they take any picture of your face?

Because she was an ugly baby!!

Christoper! I was not!

How do you know? There are no pictures!



Who's that random lady in the background?

I don't know. Why are you asking me? I was an infant.

Do we have an estranged aunt that neither me or Jenna ever met?

Oh, that would be so cool!

We don't have an estranged aunt.

Well, then who is that woman at your birthday party? It's not like Mom or Dad would just bring a random woman home for their child's birthday. Actually, come to think of it...never mind.

Uh-huh.



Oh, I miss Grandma Elphie!

What are you talking about, Jenna? She's not dead. We had dinner with her like two weeks ago.

I know. I meant that I've missed her during these two weeks.


Oh, look! There's Grandpa Fiyero...

He's not dead either, Jenna.



Look at me, about to grow up!

And judging by Mom's outfit, it looks like a certain someone is about to enter the world!


Hey, this isn't me being born!

No, this is me on my first day of school.

You just want to milk all the only child time you can, don't you?


Michelle!!!

Ok, fine.

Happy now?



And look, now it's your first birthday.

Hey, stop skipping pictures!

Who's skipping? This is really the next picture in the stack.

But where are the pictures of Mom cuddling ME in my cute room?

Maybe you were an ugly baby...


Whoa, what was going on with my hair?

It took a bit longer to grow in. Mom actually took you to a specialist about it.

I had to go to a hair doctor?

Yup.

You're not just making that up because of the ugly baby joke...

Nope.



Well, it obviously worked, Chris.

Whatever.


Look how happy you two look together.

Believe me, these moments were few and far between.




My first A+!!!

And it only took you until you were what, like 11?

You need to shut up.


What were you wishing for?

I don't remember, actually.

Yes you do. You were wishing for some kind of bodily harm to happen to me, weren't you?

Um...

That's what I thought.


Hey, Michelle, wait! This one's not in order. Look, I'm in the crib in the background.

Yeah, and that is so a different house.

Hey, you're right...Ok, we're going to have to backtrack here...ok, here we go.

So obviously Mom got pregnant again.

And she looks so happy about it, too!

Our house was getting too small, so we had to move.


See? This is the kitchen of our new house, and that's Mom having Jenna in it.


The first meeting...

You don't look very excited, Michelle.

Look, I was 14 and I had already gotten a little brother. Excuse me for not jumping for joy.

See? I was happy you came.


I wonder if Mom was ever sad that none of us got her green skin.

Jenna, this isn't the time to get all reflective.

Um, I thought this was the point of this...


See? Jenna's hair came out normal...
It must be a guy thing in the family. Look, my hair can even be braided.


Oh, look! It's Jenna-Barbie with braid-able hair!
Look at what a good big sister I am.

What's up with the sudden huge pictures?

Oh, this is after we got that new camera. Dad sure loved that thing...
Oh, our picture wall!!!

And apparently Dad loved the camera so much he felt the need to have it be in the pictures...



It's about time!! And I'd like to point out that this is the first birthday party we've seen that was attended by another child. I am popular!

Sure you are, Chris.


Your eyes are also closed.


Happy birthday Jenna!

Mom sure looks happy.

Of course she's happy. No more toddlers around the house!


Our first family portrait. That's strange, you'd think that we'd have taken one at some point before Jenna was born.

Life just wasn't worth remembering before me.

Uh-huh. Anyway, strange as it may seem that is where our picture stack ends.

Wait a minute. Don't we get to see me turn into a teenager?

No, there's no more pictures here.

I know Mom and Dad took pictures of my next birthday...

Yeah, funny thing about that one Jen. You remember how you turned into a teen right before I went to college? Well, I decided to practice cooking after school one day and...well, let's just say it didn't go well and a lot of stuff burned.

Chris! I can't believe you! You burned all record of my teenage years?

Well, I think this would be a good time for me to step back in here. Thanks for helping, guys. It was very...entertaining. (Note to self: No more sibling commentaries)